Letter To My Younger Self : Keeping Quiet

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Dear louder version of me,

I hope you are as loud as you used to be, but you will be surprised to know that I have learned to stay quiet and silent whenever it feels like my words won’t matter, so why waste them where it is not necessary.

You know, growing up, I learned that anger steals moments of calm and happiness and only offers sadness, high blood pressure, and sometimes even breathlessness. As we see in our lives, sorrows are unwanted, yet they often outnumber joys because there are multiple ways to create sorrow, just like the one I mentioned, anger. I have an answer in case you ever ask, “What if people annoy me?” You can control your actions, not other people’s, so it is better to choose sanity instead of losing your mind. I do get angry at times, but when I pause and think, “Why should I bother?” my mind clears, and I move on. I feel that being aware of myself is the best thing that has happened to me. Sometimes I curse my overthinking, but then I realize it helps me many times, so I appreciate it too.

I will tell you a funny thing that I have noticed over the past few weeks. When I talk to a friend and tell them about something that happened, even before I finish, I receive advice or consolation from their side. I feel sad that everyone wants to offer me a solution even when I do not need one and does not simply listen to me. Instead of reacting or getting angry, I kept listening and nodding silently until it reached a point where I finally told my friend to stop treating me like a child who keeps crying over things. Even when I cracked a joke, there was consolation. Now you would probably laugh, thinking about how I controlled my anger for days.

Thank you for listening to my rant. I understand how difficult it is to deal with people when even a friend’s sweet gesture can make you feel small and vulnerable. But in the end, I will still choose to stay quiet instead of getting angry. So, hats off to you for having the will to get angry and waste those moments. Now I have the responsibility to save each happy moment and live it to the fullest.

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Yours,
One who is choosing silence