Letter To My Younger Self : Identity

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Dear younger me,

I hope you are doing well. Today, I am writing to you to question and understand how it felt when everyone out there tried to school you, telling you to do this and do that instead of letting you choose for yourself. I remember you always did things because you were that topper kid, and your rank should not go down or else your parents would be disappointed. I feel bad that you had to go through that, because now I feel very stupid and foolish for being treated that way.

You know, even today there are many people who want me to behave in a certain way and try to teach me by finding mistakes in what I am doing. Sometimes, I feel they are genuinely concerned about me, but there comes a point where I realize you cannot satisfy everyone’s ego and preferences, so it is better to just be yourself. I know it is challenging to get over it, but I am trying. Let’s hope I can overcome this as well, just like we did everything else.

Many times, the situation gets so tricky that my confidence goes down, my self-esteem suffers, and what I wish to do gets stuck halfway. I know I do not have to give so much thought to what people will say. But honestly, when they do say things, my mind freezes and I am unable to process. At that time, the smart me becomes naive enough to agree with everything I am being told. Though sometimes, when I feel relieved, I forget everything and do things my way. Maybe I do that just to breathe in the same room with them, because sometimes it is an obligation to share the same space. But yes, in the end, I return to my normal self.

After being in the same place for so long, I know it is challenging to stop others from schooling you, but again, I am trying. I hope things change, and I gain more confidence in what I do and why I do it.

Yours,
Trying to cope with it

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