Does Validation Take A Toll On You?
Till when the art would find its way through validation?
One evening, Shanaya was overwhelmed and eager to share the news with one of her friends. Without a second thought, she called her friend, Akhil, without knowing where the conversation would lead.
As she made a call, the phone rang, but there was no response. She thought that Akhil would give her a call back when he would be free. Shanaya resumed her work and went to prepare for dinner. After preparations, she left for the market to buy some groceries and cherish the pleasant rainy weather with a cool breeze touching her soul, whispering in her ears the rhythm of the onset of autumn.
Holding an umbrella in one hand and a mobile phone in the other to shoot a video for her friend Neeta, walking on the rain-showered roads. They were trying to prevent a pool of water from splashing on them while the vehicles passed by them. Once they reached the society gate, it was tedious to cross the road due to heavy traffic. Somehow, they managed to go to the other side and roam in the market.
Neeta took Shanaya by hand to the Paneer vendor to buy some paneer. The floor under them was wet. So, they walked carefully taking each step with caution. After buying paneer, Neeta went to buy some groceries. It was then that Akhil called Shanaya back. She picked up his call and told him she would call him in 10 minutes when she would be home. After that, they went to grab a cold coffee from a nearby cafe. Shanaya ordered her regular Hazelnut Cold Coffee with ice cream with no added sugar as the ice cream was already adding sweetness. There was a wait of 15 minutes, and it was still drizzling outside. When Shanaya's order arrived, Neeta and Shanaya decided to take an Instagram-worthy pick of coffee with the cafe logo.
In the excitement of taking the picture, Neeta kept the paneer on the nearby table, and both of them went out to click a perfect shot. After clicking the photo, they left the place without realizing that they had forgotten the item they came out for in this rainy weather. Cherishing the cold coffee, they entered the society gate. None of them realized forgetting paneer until they covered more than half the distance and were nearing the tower in which they lived.
Neeta screamed, "Where is paneer?" After a few arguments about who held it last, they decided to trace back to find if the paneer still lay at the cafe table. They rushed out of the society gate and crossed the road. From the stairs of the market, they noticed paneer lying on the same table they expected it to be. There was a sigh of relief because none of them was in the mood to walk again to the paneer vendor, which was again a walk on the wet floor.
Somebody was sitting on the table. Shanaya went to them and told them it was her. She picked it up and left with Neeta. They could not stop laughing at this silly act. Shanaya was still sipping some coffee from her glass as they walked back home.
After getting back to their flat, they went to their rooms. Making herself comfortable, Shanaya called her friend. Within two rings, Akhil picked up her call, and a long-lasting chat started until Akhil's tone became frustrated. Shanaya did not even drop the news, and their conversation turned grave, such that Akhil conveyed to Shanaya that she was a people pleaser and preached more than required. Shanaya could not understand where that was coming from.
Shanaya tried to end the call by ending the topic, but somehow, the thought did not leave her even after the call disconnected.
There was a bell ringing in her head, "Validation!" "Validation!" "Validation!", throughout her sleep, not letting her sleep.
The next morning, when Shanaya came out of bed, she woke up with a jolt and a painful headache. She tried to console herself and reminded herself that it was a big day. It was going to be her first time performing as a theatre artist. After getting freshened up, she cooked breakfast for her, but she could not pull out that bell ringing in her head, reminding her of Akhil's words and making her think more about seeking validation. It was challenging for her to start such a remarkable day on this note. She called her friends to know their opinion about whether she was a preacher.
None of her friends agreed on this, but still, she felt there was a miss. She looked for other's validation, which did not appeal to her, making her dissatisfied. Until she realized that it was her assurance that mattered the most, she felt disturbed and distracted, worrying about her performance in the show that evening.
The mere words of her friend Akhil that came out of frustration affected her peace, leading her to look for validation, that she did not need at all from others.
Most of the time, people do not understand how their words can destructively affect another person, directing them to lose their calm and feel impotent. Before that person realizes it is ridiculous of her to consider someone's words so crucial, her mental health takes a toll.
“How often do you look around,
For someone’s validation
When you know the grounds,
Of someone’s thought
Does not align with yours
As someone’s mood,
Can lead to your heartbreak
Because someone’s mind,
Wasn’t stable or in a state
To entertain someone’s happiness,
And you fell prey of terrible time
When someone’s anger crushed you!”
This post is a part of Mindful Pursuit Blog Hop hosted by Sukaina Majeed and Manali Desai.
This story beautifully captures how a simple, everyday moment can spiral into deeper reflections on validation and self-worth.
ReplyDeleteShanaya's journey from light-hearted laughter to the heavy burden of seeking approval highlights the fragility of human emotions and how easily they can be impacted by others' words.
The subtle weaving of routine with a profound internal struggle makes the narrative relatable, and the poem at the end reinforces the theme poignantly. It's a reminder that true assurance comes from within, not from external validation.
A well-crafted exploration of self-reflection!
Thank you for the appreciation. It is true that we miss out on self-validation and seek it out from other people, but once we understand the importance of self-validation life gets easier.
DeleteMost of the time, we don't need someone else's validation but our own. We want to hear from ourselves that we hear you and see you. Your story explores that quite well :)
ReplyDeleteIndeed, hearing from ourselves is the most crucial belief I would say, and that should be considered at the foremost thing in our lives.
DeleteI can't deny the fact that someone's harsh words or something spoken unmindfully can affect others. Using harsh words for others is not a way to get rid of frustration. A very well-written fiction with the poem that supplements this idea really well. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteYes, we never know our mindset may reflect anxiety in someone else's mind. It's true we should not suppress emotions, but we must learn to accept the state of mind we are in when we turn rude towards others.
DeleteWanting validation is a serious problem. I was a victim of it myself. Fear of public opinion, as Bertrand Russell called it. You offer some very rewarding insights here.
ReplyDeleteCreativity stands endangered due to threat from external validation. Bringing this topic in our blogs is very essential. So happy that you showed the courage to write about it. The story captures the reader’s attention till the end. A simple story with a strong message.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. It was challenging to put it in words, yet this bloghop encouraged me to bring this idea so that others can also understand the seriousness of the impacts of longing external validation
DeleteI began to reflect on myself after reading your story. Do I also look for validation? I think, we do in our initial years as we haven't mastered the art of living our dreams. Later, life teaches us to revel in our own skin. But yes, this is years of maturity and a tough adulting pattern.
ReplyDeleteThat made me feel contented as my story allowed you to reflect on yourself. True with time and experience we learn to excel in our own way.
DeleteValidation is something so difficult to get over and is the biggest enemy diverting us from our path to success. I liked how you built up a beautiful story to drive home this important point..
ReplyDeleteThis point was in my mind since long and crafting this story is a win-win situation for me as I can see many people understand it pretty well and this concept needs to be heard.
DeleteI think validation has got more importance after social media took over. Previously, at least it was limited to 4 log; Now the number is 40, 400 or probably 4000 also! However, it is important to be emotionally smart these days. As we never know someone's else's mood can spoil our whole day.
ReplyDeleteIndeed! I felt I never gave heed to 4 log, but sometimes when I reflect on my journey I feel somehow they were there to affect me in some or other way.
DeleteThe way you illustrate her day—from the excitement of sharing news with a friend to the joyous simplicity of enjoying coffee—adds a beautiful layer of relatability. It’s in these seemingly mundane moments that we often confront deeper truths about ourselves. The contrast between the carefree enjoyment of the rainy day and the heaviness of Akhil's words highlights how quickly our inner dialogue can shift from lightness to self-doubt.
ReplyDeleteSelf-doubt is the brutal enemy, hahaha enemies are mostly brutal. Yet we need to take care of ourselves by our own.
DeleteWhat started out as fun turned to serious self exploration.I think the need for validation and conforming comes from us being social animals and an insecurity. I see that this is changing in today's scenario when people are becoming more self centered and do not need a community as strongly in real life as earlier.
ReplyDeleteSense of community is still necessary I believe. What can set us apart is choosing the right people and right community
DeleteSeeking validation is natural but we need to draw the line as to from who we are seeking it from and also if it is adding to our anxiety. With social media, instant validation and gratification adds to the woes. Random people should not be in control of our mental health.
ReplyDeleteMost of the times, they are not random people who affect our mental health, because they do not matter in ourlives. And we feel hurt by people who we consider our homies.
DeleteThe theme of seeking validation is intriguing and it explores the detrimental effects on mental health. The author has beautifully drafted the plot and character development about how a strong mindset can trigger by a single word of negativity disrupt one's peace of mind and lead to self-doubt. Every thought matters and let's validate ourselves.
ReplyDeletethank you so much Aurooo
DeleteSomeone's harsh words can have such a negative impact on our mood and coming days. That's why we should always be kind and careful of our tone. Since that's almost impossible to control when it comes to other people, we must learn how to give it back. if I were in Shanaya's place I would've told Akhil, "Haan hu mein aisi. Toh?" and moved on.
ReplyDeleteThe world is full of gossip mongers. You just need to be alert with people you don't like much.
ReplyDeleteIndeed
Deletethe paneer got me and the end poem. It's true. We are in some way or the other seeking validation. In an utopian world,ours would be enough. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you
Delete